The enigma.....
Over the weekend I went to an AA celebration for a member who just attained 45 years of sobriety....that's a long time between cold beers. One of the speakers was remarking on how hard it is for "outsiders" to understand exactly what AA is all about, why it means so much to us and how it works. As an example he said, "you know outsiders just don't get it when we laugh so hard at stories of now sober members and their trials. We laugh when someone describes being thrown out of his home, losing his wife or going to jail, but we cry so easily when the same person talks about being sober and getting back the wife, children, home, job and how happy he is now." We laugh and we cry because, in one form or another, most of us have been there too. It's the laughter and tears of drowning men and women resuced from the shipwreck all having survived together.
I had one of those moments this weekend, I was the subject of one of those moments of laughter. A woman who has been in and out of AA for many years was speaking; she now has 3 years of sobriety and is a model citizen. She wasn't always that way. "T" was almost crying when she spoke of her downward spiral and how, many times over the years she had tried AA, but it wasn't her time, she wasn't ready. She ended up saying that when she first came into the program in 1992 she wasn't sure she really was an alcoholic and used any excuse to justify her continued drinking.
Looking at the large audience she said, "in fact I see Wallace sitting there. I remember Wallace from my first days in 1992 at the old 710 AA Club, and I remember thinking that surely I'm not as bad as he is, I can't be an alcoholic....I'm not that bad". "T" had said this quite honestly and from the heart, not directed as a hurt for me, just what she remembered of herself.
The audience howled and none more so than me, for I was "that bad" before I got sober in March of 1994. I went to AA often in those pre 1994 days......most usually under the influence, which is not recommended. And after years of that, not too much appreciated by the sober and recovering members; many of those that were laughing so much Saturday night had been there in the 1990's and remember that I was "that bad". In fact my good friend Brooks, told me after I was sober for some years, that the members of the 710 Club had actually talked about not letting me come back....the first person in memory to be thrown out of AA.
Everyone laughed and smiled, including me, and I felt a little proud in the way that outsiders might not understand. I felt good because I had been "that bad" and had almost been thrown out of AA, but in a little over a month I'll have 13 years clean and sober. Where else but AA can you be "that bad" and end up a role model. I guess if I can make it, anyone can.
Over the weekend I went to an AA celebration for a member who just attained 45 years of sobriety....that's a long time between cold beers. One of the speakers was remarking on how hard it is for "outsiders" to understand exactly what AA is all about, why it means so much to us and how it works. As an example he said, "you know outsiders just don't get it when we laugh so hard at stories of now sober members and their trials. We laugh when someone describes being thrown out of his home, losing his wife or going to jail, but we cry so easily when the same person talks about being sober and getting back the wife, children, home, job and how happy he is now." We laugh and we cry because, in one form or another, most of us have been there too. It's the laughter and tears of drowning men and women resuced from the shipwreck all having survived together.
I had one of those moments this weekend, I was the subject of one of those moments of laughter. A woman who has been in and out of AA for many years was speaking; she now has 3 years of sobriety and is a model citizen. She wasn't always that way. "T" was almost crying when she spoke of her downward spiral and how, many times over the years she had tried AA, but it wasn't her time, she wasn't ready. She ended up saying that when she first came into the program in 1992 she wasn't sure she really was an alcoholic and used any excuse to justify her continued drinking.
Looking at the large audience she said, "in fact I see Wallace sitting there. I remember Wallace from my first days in 1992 at the old 710 AA Club, and I remember thinking that surely I'm not as bad as he is, I can't be an alcoholic....I'm not that bad". "T" had said this quite honestly and from the heart, not directed as a hurt for me, just what she remembered of herself.
The audience howled and none more so than me, for I was "that bad" before I got sober in March of 1994. I went to AA often in those pre 1994 days......most usually under the influence, which is not recommended. And after years of that, not too much appreciated by the sober and recovering members; many of those that were laughing so much Saturday night had been there in the 1990's and remember that I was "that bad". In fact my good friend Brooks, told me after I was sober for some years, that the members of the 710 Club had actually talked about not letting me come back....the first person in memory to be thrown out of AA.
Everyone laughed and smiled, including me, and I felt a little proud in the way that outsiders might not understand. I felt good because I had been "that bad" and had almost been thrown out of AA, but in a little over a month I'll have 13 years clean and sober. Where else but AA can you be "that bad" and end up a role model. I guess if I can make it, anyone can.
