Life's trials and a wrecked foot....
I've heard the theory postulated in several places that God gives more hardship and pain to those better equiped to handle it than others. I'm sorry to say that I think God has great confidence in my abilities. In the past I've had to cope with a short, but emotionally painful trip to a war zone, five years of unmitigated hell in alcohol addiction, the divorce it caused and years of recovering from the pain inflicted on others due to the selfishness of that disease. Recently I've had the heart operation, a divorce and a dog who died in the same week, and the daily sadness of watching my Dad slip away.
And now we add, I think, another stress fracture in my foot; same foot as five years ago. Not as bad as death and divorce but miserable none the less. Walking three miles a day for my heart and mental well being has trashed my foot once again. For those who've never had a stress fracture it's like a bad bruise that never goes away. Rested for a few days it leads one to think he is healed. However after two days without walking there it is again, even more painful than before as it was for me today. Even one of the girls I pass walking every day asked if I was alright, the limp gave it away. "Sure", I said, "I always wince with every step". I usually try and soldier through these things but as I learned the last time, cracked bones don't get better with soldiering. At least I have the $250 broken foot ski boot dingus from the last time. I'll be bitterly disappointed if I have to give up walking for any time at all. I need all the endorphins I can get.
My Dad: God Bless him, he is trying to soldier on also, but has not regained much strength and has started on morphine regularly, which helps whatever pain there is, but more importantly keeps him relaxed so he can breathe more easily. Yet another nurse today told my Mother to let him eat all the chocolate he wants. This is the third medical professional that has told her this, yet she is like others I know that once an idea presents itself in her mind, she is right, and that's it, end of story. Still, I hope I don't have to sneak chocolate into him anymore....
Divorce recovery: In spite of church, ministerial counseling, family counseling, friends old and new and one heck of alot of AA, I'm sorry to admit that some days I'm more angry than ever. There has not been one night since the end of May that I've fallen off to sleep without some form of mental turmoil about that situation. Those who know me well, I hope, would say that I'm not one given to anger and when I am, allowing it to fester and I don't think I am. This is a first. This was a big deal to me, marriage should be. Love should be.
I've had comments from well meaning friends to the effect of "stop letting someone rent space for free in your head", "you know your former spouse ain't losin' any sleep over you" or more commonly, "get over it and move on". This last thought almost always coming from people, men and women, who are married to mature, loyal, compassionate mates who have no idea what this feeling is like. All I can say is that I'll be over it, when I'm over it. This too shall pass.....but may take quite awhile.
But God Bless Dr. Tim Walker at the First United Methodist Church for his Thanksgiving sermon today. It could have been straight out of AA. The message was "Attaining an Attitude of Gratitude". You've heard that here before. Too bad more didn't get to hear his message. And I am grateful for quite alot despite a wrecked foot and mental anguish. I've gotten to spend some good times with the Big Gold Dog and my Dad, knowing that each had not much longer to go. It's been a beautiful fall and God has a better road for me ahead.
I've heard the theory postulated in several places that God gives more hardship and pain to those better equiped to handle it than others. I'm sorry to say that I think God has great confidence in my abilities. In the past I've had to cope with a short, but emotionally painful trip to a war zone, five years of unmitigated hell in alcohol addiction, the divorce it caused and years of recovering from the pain inflicted on others due to the selfishness of that disease. Recently I've had the heart operation, a divorce and a dog who died in the same week, and the daily sadness of watching my Dad slip away.
And now we add, I think, another stress fracture in my foot; same foot as five years ago. Not as bad as death and divorce but miserable none the less. Walking three miles a day for my heart and mental well being has trashed my foot once again. For those who've never had a stress fracture it's like a bad bruise that never goes away. Rested for a few days it leads one to think he is healed. However after two days without walking there it is again, even more painful than before as it was for me today. Even one of the girls I pass walking every day asked if I was alright, the limp gave it away. "Sure", I said, "I always wince with every step". I usually try and soldier through these things but as I learned the last time, cracked bones don't get better with soldiering. At least I have the $250 broken foot ski boot dingus from the last time. I'll be bitterly disappointed if I have to give up walking for any time at all. I need all the endorphins I can get.
My Dad: God Bless him, he is trying to soldier on also, but has not regained much strength and has started on morphine regularly, which helps whatever pain there is, but more importantly keeps him relaxed so he can breathe more easily. Yet another nurse today told my Mother to let him eat all the chocolate he wants. This is the third medical professional that has told her this, yet she is like others I know that once an idea presents itself in her mind, she is right, and that's it, end of story. Still, I hope I don't have to sneak chocolate into him anymore....
Divorce recovery: In spite of church, ministerial counseling, family counseling, friends old and new and one heck of alot of AA, I'm sorry to admit that some days I'm more angry than ever. There has not been one night since the end of May that I've fallen off to sleep without some form of mental turmoil about that situation. Those who know me well, I hope, would say that I'm not one given to anger and when I am, allowing it to fester and I don't think I am. This is a first. This was a big deal to me, marriage should be. Love should be.
I've had comments from well meaning friends to the effect of "stop letting someone rent space for free in your head", "you know your former spouse ain't losin' any sleep over you" or more commonly, "get over it and move on". This last thought almost always coming from people, men and women, who are married to mature, loyal, compassionate mates who have no idea what this feeling is like. All I can say is that I'll be over it, when I'm over it. This too shall pass.....but may take quite awhile.
But God Bless Dr. Tim Walker at the First United Methodist Church for his Thanksgiving sermon today. It could have been straight out of AA. The message was "Attaining an Attitude of Gratitude". You've heard that here before. Too bad more didn't get to hear his message. And I am grateful for quite alot despite a wrecked foot and mental anguish. I've gotten to spend some good times with the Big Gold Dog and my Dad, knowing that each had not much longer to go. It's been a beautiful fall and God has a better road for me ahead.
