Life's Skills....
I've just come back from sitting for an hour and a half with my Dad in a mostly darkened room. I watch him breathe and sometimes wonder if he was still breathing. I have the worst and the best job. They are both the same.....I get to be with my Dad as he is preparing to die.
People think that some of us in AA are crazy when we say we're thankful that we got terminally drunk and landed in AA. In my case thankful that I got terminally drunk and lived to land in AA. But it is true; sometimes I think that I've learned all my succesful living skills there. Still working on most of them, but I'm making headway. Like today.
Two topics of succesful living that we hear often are concerning "change" and "expectations". These two are usually related. The old axiom is that "the only thing constant is change". Roger, got that one pretty well in hand. It's been forced on me lately. Expectations are harder for me. Expectations of things both good and bad can be killers. When we expect the worst to happen in any situation we live in the negative and bad things become self fulfilling. On the contrary when optimistic people like me constantly expect good things to come about just because we're good people doing our best, we can be hurt in the worst ways. I can give a recent example, but am trying to "move on" and "just get over it".
My expectations were altered again today by change. My Dad is now in the hospital hospice unit, most assuredly to spend his final days there. As reported just two days ago I was effusing gratitude that he would be able die at home. Though that has changed I'm still grateful. Grateful that we have options and that we have true friends who show up for us in emergencies. People who care and that don't just talk about "being there"....they are there.
As I left town for Lubbock yesterday afternoon, I stopped by my folks house for a check on the situation. Frankly I was heartened. My Dad was awake, mostly coherent and smiled as much of a smile as he could when I entered the room. We had a short conversation, which mainly consists of me telling him what I'm doing that day. My Mom seemed to have things in hand and was going to relax for the remainder of the afternoon. That's about as good as it gets there at any one time. That was at 3 p.m. Saturday.
But,sh*t change happens. As soon as I got out of church this morning my cellphone started ringing; neighbors, hospice calling. My Mom had fallen down [collapsed actually] several times and the doors were locked allowing no one to reach her. Thankfully, a neighbor remembered she had a key and they were in the house shortly before I arrived. The nurses strongly recommended that my Mom go to the hospital for a checkup. My Mom, God Love Her, is a person who knows everything and is always right so no hospital visit. Which left us with the most realistic and painful decision. My Dad would go to the hospital hospice care unit. Which is where I've been for the last two hours tonight, watching my Dad and talking with the good people at hospice.
Another axiom from AA: "Change is inevitable, peace of mind is optional".
I'm working on that and perhaps I still have part of last night's smile....or a little peace of mind despite today's difficult change.
I've just come back from sitting for an hour and a half with my Dad in a mostly darkened room. I watch him breathe and sometimes wonder if he was still breathing. I have the worst and the best job. They are both the same.....I get to be with my Dad as he is preparing to die.
People think that some of us in AA are crazy when we say we're thankful that we got terminally drunk and landed in AA. In my case thankful that I got terminally drunk and lived to land in AA. But it is true; sometimes I think that I've learned all my succesful living skills there. Still working on most of them, but I'm making headway. Like today.
Two topics of succesful living that we hear often are concerning "change" and "expectations". These two are usually related. The old axiom is that "the only thing constant is change". Roger, got that one pretty well in hand. It's been forced on me lately. Expectations are harder for me. Expectations of things both good and bad can be killers. When we expect the worst to happen in any situation we live in the negative and bad things become self fulfilling. On the contrary when optimistic people like me constantly expect good things to come about just because we're good people doing our best, we can be hurt in the worst ways. I can give a recent example, but am trying to "move on" and "just get over it".
My expectations were altered again today by change. My Dad is now in the hospital hospice unit, most assuredly to spend his final days there. As reported just two days ago I was effusing gratitude that he would be able die at home. Though that has changed I'm still grateful. Grateful that we have options and that we have true friends who show up for us in emergencies. People who care and that don't just talk about "being there"....they are there.
As I left town for Lubbock yesterday afternoon, I stopped by my folks house for a check on the situation. Frankly I was heartened. My Dad was awake, mostly coherent and smiled as much of a smile as he could when I entered the room. We had a short conversation, which mainly consists of me telling him what I'm doing that day. My Mom seemed to have things in hand and was going to relax for the remainder of the afternoon. That's about as good as it gets there at any one time. That was at 3 p.m. Saturday.
But,
Another axiom from AA: "Change is inevitable, peace of mind is optional".
I'm working on that and perhaps I still have part of last night's smile....or a little peace of mind despite today's difficult change.
