Balancing act...
Life with elderly parents these days is a balancing act. I juggle trying to understand my Mother's stress and help her cope, while countering her fatalistic attitude with a positive game face around my dying Dad. Like a high wire act we get perilously close to losing it and then regain balance and move on.
Today I signed the papers for my Dad to enter into home hospice, but not without some cross words between my Mom and Dad, who in their fear and anxiety say things I know they don't really mean. One moment my Mom decides that she can't handle this anymore, while my Dad says he's ready to go to a home and die, not easy to hear. But with a few moments of quiet and then some words about the reality, we're back on track to matters at hand.
The hospice people stress that their care does not mean the end, in fact, they say many people live for years in hospice and some even recover and end the service. Realistically these probably don't apply to my Dad, but he and I like to hear a positive attitude. This notwithstanding, I knew that by signing I was writing the final chapter in his life. Not an easy thing to do, but the care promises to solve problems for us all.
Two kind nurses spent all morning with us evaluating the situation, telling us of their services and making some initial suggestions. I was more than glad to be able to get them aside and ask them to try and help my Mom handle the situation in a more positive and less stressful manner. My dear Mother is the type of person, with whom I am not unfamiliar, who tends to make up her mind based on facts of her own invention, decide she's right and act on them.
My Dad's one joy, it seems lately, is eating loads of ice cream and chocolate bars. My Mom has decided that he should be eating only healthy foods, which she prepares, and that all the sweets is one of the things that has set him back. She has been somewhat miserly in doling these treats out to my Dad causing cross words between them. I've tried to dispel this theory, but with little success. I was therefore extremely pleased that when she told of how she was cutting back on the sweets the nurses said, don't, the fat and calories are good for him. Score one for the truth.
I had a nice spiritual refresher after the tough morning however; I had been asked to photograph the stained glass windows in the sanctuary of the First United Methodist Church and today seemed like a good day for that. So I had a quiet respite beneath those lovely windows and later a personal serenade by the practicing organist. While in church I often like to look at the beauty of the windows, especially the ones on the south side which receive so much sunlight and around noon today they were stunning. The windows portray Biblical figures as well as a few important founders of the Methodist Church such as John Wesley and the Texas Tech Red Raider guy seen here. Lest anyone in particular think I am sinful and making fun of the Methodist windows, this resemblance was first pointed out to me in church one day by an elderly, very pious and longstanding member of the church.
The balancing act goes on one day at a time and for today I'm grateful that we finally have made a positive decision about my Dad's care. I do alright with this mostly, but late at night it is hard to think about four living souls who you loved most in the world either dead, dying or having left on their own. Some days my own balancing act is just to keep a positive outlook. It sure is nice to see Daphne wagging her tail all day.
Life with elderly parents these days is a balancing act. I juggle trying to understand my Mother's stress and help her cope, while countering her fatalistic attitude with a positive game face around my dying Dad. Like a high wire act we get perilously close to losing it and then regain balance and move on.
Today I signed the papers for my Dad to enter into home hospice, but not without some cross words between my Mom and Dad, who in their fear and anxiety say things I know they don't really mean. One moment my Mom decides that she can't handle this anymore, while my Dad says he's ready to go to a home and die, not easy to hear. But with a few moments of quiet and then some words about the reality, we're back on track to matters at hand.
The hospice people stress that their care does not mean the end, in fact, they say many people live for years in hospice and some even recover and end the service. Realistically these probably don't apply to my Dad, but he and I like to hear a positive attitude. This notwithstanding, I knew that by signing I was writing the final chapter in his life. Not an easy thing to do, but the care promises to solve problems for us all.
Two kind nurses spent all morning with us evaluating the situation, telling us of their services and making some initial suggestions. I was more than glad to be able to get them aside and ask them to try and help my Mom handle the situation in a more positive and less stressful manner. My dear Mother is the type of person, with whom I am not unfamiliar, who tends to make up her mind based on facts of her own invention, decide she's right and act on them.
My Dad's one joy, it seems lately, is eating loads of ice cream and chocolate bars. My Mom has decided that he should be eating only healthy foods, which she prepares, and that all the sweets is one of the things that has set him back. She has been somewhat miserly in doling these treats out to my Dad causing cross words between them. I've tried to dispel this theory, but with little success. I was therefore extremely pleased that when she told of how she was cutting back on the sweets the nurses said, don't, the fat and calories are good for him. Score one for the truth.
I had a nice spiritual refresher after the tough morning however; I had been asked to photograph the stained glass windows in the sanctuary of the First United Methodist Church and today seemed like a good day for that. So I had a quiet respite beneath those lovely windows and later a personal serenade by the practicing organist. While in church I often like to look at the beauty of the windows, especially the ones on the south side which receive so much sunlight and around noon today they were stunning. The windows portray Biblical figures as well as a few important founders of the Methodist Church such as John Wesley and the Texas Tech Red Raider guy seen here. Lest anyone in particular think I am sinful and making fun of the Methodist windows, this resemblance was first pointed out to me in church one day by an elderly, very pious and longstanding member of the church.
The balancing act goes on one day at a time and for today I'm grateful that we finally have made a positive decision about my Dad's care. I do alright with this mostly, but late at night it is hard to think about four living souls who you loved most in the world either dead, dying or having left on their own. Some days my own balancing act is just to keep a positive outlook. It sure is nice to see Daphne wagging her tail all day.
