Nine years...
It was nine years ago today that I gave up alcohol. That's a long time between cold beers. I didn't give it up easily or without a fight. That's the way addictions are. You go down swinging. And far down I had gone. From losing almost everything I owned and everything I was to almost losing my life, I had sacrificed everything for the next drink. It now seems completely crazy that a high achieving, positive personality, well educated individual could have come to that point. And it is insane but that's what unchecked chemical addictions will do...to anyone no matter his personal strength, character or best of intentions.
The entire story, like most, is a long one and you won't be bored with it here. But suffice it to say that I lived five or so years of sheer hell and that AA saved my life along with the help of friends and family. Not only saved it but embued in me an entirely different outlook on life based on gratitude for things both big and small. And not that this came easily either. Through those years of selfishness I had imagined that I could solve my problems alone and by my force of will. So I drove just about every human who offered help away. At some times the only true friend I had was my golden retreiver "Ranger". In no small way he helped save my life, giving me that one small spark to continue on so I could take care of him. Thus the name of my website Big Gold Dog.
AA is more well known and accepted today than in earlier times. Society has come to grips with the notion that addictions are a sad fact of life, and it is rare that any family today is not touched by them in some fashion. But AA is still somewhat misunderstood. As we say, it is not a program of promotion, but one of attraction. It is not about or against drinking or alcohol, it is about finding a way to live life on life's terms without alcohol or drugs for me or anyone else attracted to that notion. It is not about fighting the battle everyday, it is about giving up the battle entirely. Once I truly surrendered to the fact that I had lost control over alcohol the battle was over. I can honestly say that the hell I lived through was in most ways worth it. I see things as I did not before.
And finally a word of thanks and gratitude to all those who stuck with me during those dark ugly years and those who came later who gave me the opportunity to live a new life. This Pepsi's for you!
It was nine years ago today that I gave up alcohol. That's a long time between cold beers. I didn't give it up easily or without a fight. That's the way addictions are. You go down swinging. And far down I had gone. From losing almost everything I owned and everything I was to almost losing my life, I had sacrificed everything for the next drink. It now seems completely crazy that a high achieving, positive personality, well educated individual could have come to that point. And it is insane but that's what unchecked chemical addictions will do...to anyone no matter his personal strength, character or best of intentions.
The entire story, like most, is a long one and you won't be bored with it here. But suffice it to say that I lived five or so years of sheer hell and that AA saved my life along with the help of friends and family. Not only saved it but embued in me an entirely different outlook on life based on gratitude for things both big and small. And not that this came easily either. Through those years of selfishness I had imagined that I could solve my problems alone and by my force of will. So I drove just about every human who offered help away. At some times the only true friend I had was my golden retreiver "Ranger". In no small way he helped save my life, giving me that one small spark to continue on so I could take care of him. Thus the name of my website Big Gold Dog.
AA is more well known and accepted today than in earlier times. Society has come to grips with the notion that addictions are a sad fact of life, and it is rare that any family today is not touched by them in some fashion. But AA is still somewhat misunderstood. As we say, it is not a program of promotion, but one of attraction. It is not about or against drinking or alcohol, it is about finding a way to live life on life's terms without alcohol or drugs for me or anyone else attracted to that notion. It is not about fighting the battle everyday, it is about giving up the battle entirely. Once I truly surrendered to the fact that I had lost control over alcohol the battle was over. I can honestly say that the hell I lived through was in most ways worth it. I see things as I did not before.
And finally a word of thanks and gratitude to all those who stuck with me during those dark ugly years and those who came later who gave me the opportunity to live a new life. This Pepsi's for you!
