Blow it out your #$*^@#....
The more I think about the failure of the posterior regions of my pants yesterday, the more mortified I get. No, and not about having 68% of my butt showing to the viewing public. Actually I rather get a charge out of that, and I have been told that I still have nice posterior features. No, I'm mortified, as in angry, that one can pay $20 for a pair of slacks and have them last only 10 or so wearings. I hadn't even had time to send them to the cleaners so that they could have a shot at ruining them. And, I had not damaged the pants, this was just a complete cloth failure.

I took the photo above to send to my insurance carrier to try and recover some of the cost of the slacks. Of course, I "fudged" a little in my description. To wit: "these slacks are Armani de la Gucci custom made slacks of the finest virgin lambs wool..etc" but I think that this is very close to the truth. That they are actually "Greg Peters, on sale at Steinmart, last years model and made of genuine petrochemical polymers." You know insurance companies, I asked for $895 so I could collect $18.95. Before doing so I reviewed my homeowners insurance policy, and although I didn't see anything about "catastrophic posterior pants failure", I do have extra coverage for my art collection and I think that Armani de la Gucci slacks of genuine virgin lambswool would classify as works of art. If, however, they bounce that one back, my next submission would be that slacks made of petrochemical polymers would classify as "yard equipment". I will leave no stone unturned in being reimbursed.

And while I'm thinking about it, I'm gonna' sue that Greg Peters character. My delicate nature has been damaged, not to mention my good name. I've been having bad dreams about slovenly attire and nakedness. How would you feel walking around in public 68% butt naked? Mortified I bet. Me too. Now if I can only find the scoundrel. I wonder how many Greg Peters there are in China? Well his factory is probably located next to their source of textile supply, a petrochemical plant..that should make it easier.

Addendum:
In attempt to find Mr. Greg Peters, I conducted an exhaustive Google Search coming up with this incriminating evidence linking Peters to insurance fraud, nakedness and another sales scam he is involved with.

---Suspect Device | Greg Peters
... myself, burn all the evidence, and just smile and shuffle my feet if I happen to
pass my insurance agent as I'm going into the dollar store to buy baby clothes

---Virtuality (2 of 2)
... Greg Peters. You know him, the guy from psychology class?" asked Elisa. "Of course" she said nodding. Elisa pulled off her clothes down to her latex underwear.

---Classifieds
... January 27th, Monday. Greg Peters, Auctioneer/Owner. ... Computer table, welders, iron
sawhorses, candy machine, dishwasher, antiques, collectables, clothes, misc.